Many of you read this and thought I was going to talk about not fitting into my jeans. I will admit that I have seen a lot less of them lately, but I am going to be discussing kitchen trash. Crazy and yet I think you will see the implications this has to do with grief as I go on.
I have started doing a lot of my shopping either locally at our dollar stores or online depending on what I am looking for. One thing I tried to buy online was tall kitchen trash bags. I will acknowledge that the ones I received are taller than most, but I do not like them as well as the ones I had previously gotten here in town. As a result, I had to put in to practice a little help mom showed me when I was growing up. One trick she taught me is to cut the elastic waistband off an old pair of men’s underwear and put it around the lip of the trash can. When you put the bag in, you simply put some that is over the side under the waistband and it will hold it in place until you take out the trash and need to replace it.
What does this have to do with grief? I think many of us try to take the shortcut (buying online) instead of knowing that “if it is not broke you do not need to change it” mentality (buy locally) is working. This age old wisdom has some pretty lofty advice for those who are hurting. Long ago when someone was grieving they had family and friends draw close. They faced the empty space by acknowledging things had changed and then working through the pain until they got to a healthy place. You see those who loved the griever were like the elastic waistband…they were holding everything in place until the one hurting was ready to move on.
Today, we generally do not want to use age old wisdom or simple basic helps but would rather apply gray tape and move on quickly. We look up advice on the internet, listen to well meaning, but ignorant individuals on our condition, and look for a quick fix. Healing following a grief incident takes time, reflection, and those who love us guiding and holding us up. It means staying in one place until it is healthy and beneficial to move on. Filling up our emotional trash can with all the regrets, anger and what ifs until we can throw those away and start over. The elastic just holds the bag in place instead of allowing it to pool around the bottom and make a mess.
Who is your so called elastic waistband? Who is holding you up so that you can get rid of all the trash associated with grieving? Going the easy route may be convenient at the time, but it generally will lead to frustration and a huge emotional mess. Do what works and incorporate some age old practices into each day, and most of all remember to find those who will hold you up.