I recently heard a pastor from London say, “You need relational guardrails and healthy relational goals.” I think relationships are some of the hardest things to maneuver at times. Knowing what to say or do in particular situations can be mind boggling at times and yet each and every day we are faced with numerous decisions on these two quandaries.
We must always remember that guardrails are placed by things to help keep us safe. Goals are there to help us know what we are aiming for. If we only implement one, we may keep others pushed away. If we only use the other, we may run over anyone in our path because we are too focused. So what do we do?
We try to develop healthy relationships in which we help each other have more joy than grief. We talk and watch so we know if we are moving together at a healthy pace or if our agendas and personal preferences are messing up a good thing.
I have had relationships where no guardrails were in place. I often came back from those encounters questioning my worth, goals, and basically grieving my choices because they did not line up with what my friend thought was good for me. I learned in my 30’s that those friendships were better dissolved than nurtured. I remembered that God is beside me, prompting me as I use the gifts he has instilled. I did not need another’s approval. Guardrails were erected and some friendships were neglected so I could get healthy.
I have also had many good, healthy relationships that allowed me to grow. Those friendships that give you the room to think and plan what you are going to do while giving suggestions for a better way to accomplish my goals; precious friendships that helped me to be better, happier, and more at peace as I faced the markers in my life. Friends that know me and what I am working towards and are generally excited when I get where I was going.
Guardrails and goals keep us safe. Selfish or mean-spirited friends bring us grief and despair. Choose the first, not the second, and life as a whole will be a lot healthier. You also will avoid unnecessary grief brought on by those who really never appreciated you in the first place.