Last month my precious husband took me on a “do nothing” weekend. We literally did nothing of importance the whole time and yet it will always hold a special place in my heart. We left Friday and headed to San Angelo where he had rented a small cabin by a creek. When we got where we were going, we both found a muddy road with few creek side residents and lots of beauty. We also found a family next door who had four lively kids.
I guess that was part of the beauty for me. It was pleasant hearing the banter and arguing going on as well as the on-sight parenting; our lives had reflected theirs many years ago. It reminded me of the importance of family unity and the respect needed by everyone to appreciate differences. The whole crew spent most of their time fishing, but they also took time out on the water.
It was one conversation that really made me think. It was late at night and they had been fishing all day off and on when I heard the oldest say, “Scoot over.” Such a simple thing he had probably said numerous times, but it hit me. How often do we say, verbally or nonverbally, to others to give us some room? Sometimes they are being annoying, we need some time alone, or we simply do not feel the need for the company. I do not think what the young boy or we say to others is wrong, but is it always necessary or beneficial?
I know so many families that are estranged. It may have started with a simple disagreement, a conflict of wills or merely a misunderstanding, but we have moved so far from each other that there literally is no more relationship. Bitterness or pure dislike is a grief initiator as well as fuel to a disease called destruction. I know I have seen this in my next of kin as well as the families of my friends and it makes me profoundly sad.
In fact, this last week I was visiting with a precious young woman I so enjoy and she told me of two uncles who severed a family over a petty disagreement. The subject of the argument would make many of us chuckle until we heard the repercussions. These two men took the grief of division to the grave (they literally died mad at the other) and through their anger they passed on this disagreement to three generations. How horribly sad!
That young boy at the creek needed some room at the moment from his younger sibling, but in time they were right beside each other fishing off the dock. Two reels, two brothers, and lots of creek became a memory that can glue them together if they do not get the idea that being alone is better than family.
I have stood at a lot of funerals watching estranged siblings try not to cross the others path until the service is over. Felt the tension of years and years of fueling hurt feelings that literally push them apart when what they really need is each other. I have heard of families fighting over mere trinkets instead of sitting down and sharing warm memories sprinkled with a lot of laughter and a few tears. Families that have forgotten blood is to be thicker than water and family sticks by family.
Please learn from these two fishing brothers. It is okay to keep some distance for a bit if you need to cool down, but do not let what occurred build a fence between you. Learn to sit down, throw out your line of forgiveness and just be together for a bit. I do not know if you will catch a bunch or just get a nibble, but I promise you the time will be well spent.