Immune Deficiency

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As many of you know I have struggled to stay well for several years now. I will admit that although I think the masks are a pain, they have kept me well this year. In fact I am really contemplating wearing them from now on during the flu season simply because I like being well.

Even with the mask and it keeping me well, I knew that my constant struggle sickness was not normal.

In September, I got the pneumonia 23 shot. At six weeks they checked my blood to see if any antibodies had developed. When the results came back they were not good, so I received the pneumonia 13 shot. Again, at six weeks we did more blood work. Nothing had changed and in fact my numbers had decreased. I was officially diagnosed with Specific Immune Deficiency. Not exactly what I was hoping for because it is not curable, but a relief to know and not terminal either.

For some reason my body does not develop antibodies to bacterial infections. That means that I am constantly fighting sinus infections and I have to be careful and watch for pneumonia. Even as I write this I am on my third round of antibiotics in four weeks and set to see my specialist in Lubbock in a week to start some type of medical therapy.

I write this because sometimes we can know we have something wrong, but we just cannot pin a name to it. If a friend asks we can give them all the symptoms or markers and yet it is illusive to the cause. My doctor had the resident experience to identify mine but many of us do not need a doctor since our problem is not physical. Grief very often can be the unknown in our lives that is illusive and yet so burdensome. It makes everything we do hard, but we cannot put our finger on one grief incident so we think it is something else.

Grief can occur because of a loss, but it can also manifest itself because of disappointment or hurt. It does not always have to be a huge, life altering event either. It may be a simple hurt here with another disappointment there until they build up and our emotional and mental health is tired. We want to eat, sleep or be alone a lot. We avoid contact with others and prefer to be at home behind closed doors because we are simply to tired to deal with others.

You may not have an immune deficiency, but are you currently emotionally deficient? Is something off just enough that you do not feel yourself? Have you hidden this for so long that now you do not even know what it feels like to be healthy? Find someone you trust or a group that you can share your pain with. The first step to being healthy is admitting you are not well and grief may (or may not) be the reason. Get healthy…find help…and share what is going on.